Spotting Predators Online

Post Guide

1. Post Guide
2. Before we get started
3. Red Flags and Behaviors to Watch Out For
   1. Attempts to isolate targets
   2. Preferring to speak privately and behaving differently behind the scenes
   3. Asking for personal information
   4. Trying to get you to keep secrets or share secrets with them
   5. Asking questions which seem innocent at first
   6. Requesting images of you
   7. Saying flirty things, sometimes while insisting that you’re just friends
   8. Sharing a Sad or Tragic Backstory
   9. Encouraging you to do drastic things
   10. Claims of Not Getting Along With People Their Age
   11. Your Friends, Family, or Community Don’t Like Them
4. What You Can Do To Stay Safe
5. Getting Help and Recovering

Before we get started

In this article, the terms “predator” and “target” are used to describe the dynamics between someone who is attempting to harm, manipulate, or groom an individual (the “predator“), and the individual who is being harmed, manipulated, or groomed, (the “target“). These terms help the reader view these examples objectively, even if this is something that has happened or is currently happening to them. One of the hardest things about getting out of a dangerous dynamic is simply acknowledging that it’s occurring in the first place.

Red Flags and Behaviors to Watch Out For

Attempts to isolate targets

Turning you against friends or family, creating issues in your friend groups, and the predator retreating from mutual spaces – or encouraging you to do so – once you begin socializing privately are all red flags. A predator wants to get you alone, both physically and emotionally.

Preferring to speak privately and behaving differently behind the scenes

You may encounter a predator who seems perfectly normal, social, and funny in public spaces. Targets frequently feel pulled in by a predator’s natural charisma or traits they claim to have in common. These types of people often spend some time talking with a potential target in a public space before asking to move to a private one, such as a Discord DMs, a private group, or a private server.

Once a predator brings a potential target into a secondary space, they may begin to show a different side to themselves. They often reveal themselves to be polite, normal, and even a strict rule-follower in public spaces, while simultaneously preying on unsuspecting individuals behind the scenes. Slowly introducing more mature topics, using flirty language, and playfully teasing potential targets are all common next-steps in a predator’s agenda.

Many predators will ask to voice or video chat with a potential target, saying things in audio format which they don’t or won’t say via text. This is one of the biggest red flags, as it can indicate they don’t want there to be evidence of the topics they are discussing or action they are taking with a target. You should never voice chat or video chat with people you don’t truly know, especially adults.

Asking for personal information

Once you get to know a predator, they will likely share more personal details with you and request that you do the same. These requests may be hidden between the lines. Rather than making requests point-blank, they often say things like “I’ll tell you where I live if you tell me where you live,” or “you already know everything about me, but I don’t know anything about you.” This makes the target feel pressured to share more information for fear of being unkind or seeming like a creep themselves.

Trying to get you to keep secrets or share secrets with them

This is a key part of manipulation and blackmail tactics among predators. Making a target feel comfortable enough to share something personal or private with them and then keeping that information to use against you later if they become upset with you, want you to do something, or if you try to detach from them is one of the most common actions a predator will take, especially online.

Predators may ask to do things with you privately but insist that you don’t tell anyone else about what is happening. At first, this may seem harmless and come in the form of sharing something private with you to make you feel comfortable and connected with them. This can quickly spiral into you trusting them and sharing things with them that you would rather not share publicly.

Asking questions which seem innocent at first

Questions like, “can I ask you something,” or “can I ask you for a favor,” often lead to predators requesting content or actions from a target which the target would ordinarily turn down. A predator may take the approach of, “I’ve been feeling really down,” or “I’ve been feeling lonely,” and then ask for a target to do or say things they have avoided in the past. This makes the target feel empathetic toward the predator and results in them violating their own boundaries “just this one time”.

Requesting images of you

Predators may begin by sending you an image of themselves, or someone they claim to be. Alternatively, they may try the tactic of “I’ll send you a picture of me, then you can send me a picture of you.” Both methods are used to make targets feel safe while the predator gathers information or blackmail material on the target.

You may encounter predators who start out appearing to be completely normal. They may seem particularly charismatic and you might find yourself feeling happy that this person wants to talk with you and spend time with you. Be wary of anyone who seems to be easing you into a sense of security by slowly asking for more and more from you. They may start by asking for your name, then ask for images of you, and eventually ask you to do or say things you are uncomfortable with.

Saying flirty things, sometimes while insisting that you’re just friends

Predators use this method to avoid making a target feel overwhelmed or suspicious of their behavior. They often share sentiments along the lines of, “you’re so smart for your age,” “you’re different than other people your age,” or “I just feel like I can talk to you about things that I can’t tell other people.” The goal of the predator in these cases is to simulate a feeling of romantic tension between the target and themselves.

It’s common to find yourself feeling happy and validated due to a predator’s comments about you, your abilities, your personality, or your appearance. This is a natural response, not something to be ashamed of! However, it’s key to notice when you begin to share things with this person that you would normally not share with a stranger. Remember, while there are so many great people just like you online, it’s never wrong to have boundaries, even with friends.

Sharing a Sad or Tragic Backstory

Predators love to make targets feel bad for them. This creates a sense of bonding and obligation between the target and the predator. Some of the most popular themes in a predator’s sad backstory (true or not) include familial abuse, parental friction, friends abandoning them, people misunderstanding them, heartbreaking stories from childhood, financial struggles, and failed relationships or unrequited love.

Encouraging you to do drastic things

Once you become close with a predator they may become particularly invested in your life. It’s typical for a predator to try to drive a wedge between you and others, as mentioned above. They may fuel existing frustrations a target is experiencing – for example, issues with loved ones – and encourage them to take actions such as blocking friends on social media or cutting off family or other close relations.

Claims of Not Getting Along With People Their Age

Particularly in cases where a predator is older than a target by over a year, these people may claim that their peers do not like them or they can’t relate to others their age. They may make jokes about hanging out with people who are younger than them and even take on an older-sibling or parental-style role in the life of a younger target. All of these actions are done to make the target feel that the relationship is easily explained or innocent.

Your Friends, Family, or Community Don’t Like Them

It’s difficult for a target to see the whole picture once a predator has begun grooming them. Friends and family have an outside view of these cases and may spot things that the target cannot see from within. If this happens to you, keep in mind why you trust your friends, family, or community. Remember that these are people who care deeply about you and your safety. If someone you trust points out a concern, take a step back and try to get a new perspective on the situation. Talk about what’s happened with your loved ones.

What You Can Do To Stay Safe

• Avoid interacting privately with people you don’t actually know
• Don’t accept friend requests or DMs from people that you don’t know
• Talk to people you trust when you start to notice red flags
• Report illegal behavior (like NSFW content being sent to or requested from minors) to the platform that this behavior takes place on (Discord, Instagram, etc.)
• Review our 7 Discord Safety tips
• Don’t share your age publicly
• Don’t share information about where you live
• Don’t share photos of yourself with users you just met, or in public settings
• Set boundaries with unknown adults and avoid interacting privately with them
• Remember that you don’t really know who you’re interacting with at some stages and it’s important not to get caught up in the moment and share more than you normally would

Getting Help and Recovering

• Talk to people you trust about what has happened
• Consider therapy if it’s accessible to you
• Write or create art about your experience
• Take a break for a while to focus on yourself
• Talk with others who have had similar experiences
• Spend time with friends or family
• Have empathy for yourself. These situations usually arise from a natural desire to be valued by others. There is no shame in having been in these circumstances. 💗